Dust After Rain
by AndHoneyYouShouldSeeMeInACrown
Summary: A little drabble about Sebastian's feelings after Reichenbach.
1. Chapter 1

The smell of dust after rain, the one smell that reminded Sebastian Moran of childhood, those carefree days where nothing really mattered. Those days were gone long ago, replaced with adrenalin filled days of danger and excitement and fear and death. The metallic smell of blood and gunpowder had become commonplace in his life; it was familiar, comforting.

And yet, on a rainy afternoon, when the cold had seeped into his very bones after hours of sitting alone on a roof or some other lonely place, the smell of dust was oddly comforting. It reminded him of what was, of what he used to be, the innocence of a childhood long left behind, the innocence now replaced by a killer who enjoyed… _relished _watching someone else suffer. Replaced by a man who would do anything to please a crazed psychopath.

And was that, in the end, what this was about? Did it really just come down to making his Boss happy? Was the only reason he did all of those things, so that Jim Moriarty would think more of him, so that he would be held in a higher regard? Since when had the sniper really cared what others had thought or felt about him? Since when did pleasing someone else matter more than the killing itself? How was it that this ridiculous desire to be needed had ultimately led to his demise, who knew that it would turn out like this.

Because now the days filled with adrenalin and danger and excitement and fear and death had been replaced by something else entirely. By emptiness, by a ceaseless yearning for a man he could not have, a man who was dead - a man who had killed himself to beat his enemy - a crazed psychopath who had paid the ultimate price.

A crazed psychopath who Sebastian had loved immensely, and he had realised it too late. Only in those crucial last few seconds had it hit him like a ton of bricks. There had always been something between the two; those longs nights when Jim was bored had to lead somewhere after all. But Sebastian had only realised that he felt that way about the other man in the final few seconds and so in no time at all Sebastian Moran had loved and lost.

And so this was where it was all leading to. To being stood, alone, a year later - in the exact spot where he had seen the only man he had ever cared about die - with a gun pressed to his own head, ready to end it all.

* * *

**Should I continue with this?...**


	2. Chapter 2

This was it, all he had to do now was pull the trigger and all the pain would go away... he could see him again.

Sebastian took a deep breath and steadied the gun, his finger preparing to squeeze.

"I wouldn't do that tiger.." An Irish drawl sounded behind him.

Sebastian span around, the gun dropping to the ground. He didn't hear it fall though, the only sound he could hear was the rush of the wind in his ears and his own erratic heartbeat. In front of him stood the very man who had haunted his dreams for many nights in the past year.

"Y-you bastard.." Sebastian stuttered, stepping back, away from Jim, and ending up precariously close to the edge of the roof.

"Sebastian, move away from the edge, you don't want to end up like our dear detective."

Sebastian snarled at the mention of the other man, the man that had driven Jim to do what he had done. "No.." He mumbled, moving ever closer to the fatal drop.

Jim stepped forwards and reached out a hand towards Sebastian. "Just take my hand and come away from the edge."

Tears were now rolling down Sebastian's cheeks thick and fast. This wasn't fair, Seb had been ready to give up everything to be with Jim, willing to die. And here was the man himself, the picture of health, dressed in fucking Westwood and acting like nothing had happened.

"You were.. /are/ dead." Sebastian murmured turning around to face the busy street below. "You are just in my mind.. not real.. just another sign of how much I need you, of my weakness." Sebastian bent down to reach the gun and found its familiar weight and the feel of the cool metal oddly comforting.

This was it, now or never. Sebastian raised the gun to his temple, closed his eyes and prepared to shoot.


End file.
